Re-searching

This past week has probably been one of them most influential ongoing moments of my life thus far. It changed me I'm sure, I laughed, I wept, I got mad, I got jealous, I was lost and now I have been reset. Kind of like when you're using a blow dryer and all of a sudden the breaker pops and you have to re-set in order for things to work again. Life was hum drum, I worked hard and everyday I felt like a drone, working endlessly for some ultimate end I had no real sight of. I would spend time with Momma Carr when I could, snuggling in bed with her and watching her sleep, or listening in on her and Summers conversations. About 2 months ago I remember coming home and she was sitting on the bed and going through her wedding photo album, she had some lace from her wedding dress tucked away in there and we was handling it with love, I felt like a child watching her because I don't know what it's like to be 72 and be married for so long. I would sneak kisses and hugs when I could, and talk with her and check up on her if someone wasn't home which was rare, they were always there for her. Then she started to sleep a lot more a few weeks ago.

Then the family came.
That's when I knew something was up, for two weeks we had anywhere from 15 to 30 people in the house all day, at times 19 of them were children. It was utter chaos, but there was a closeness that came with it as we would gather around Momma Carr and whisper our I love yous.  The day before she died I was able to have some alone time with her, I told her I loved her and in breathy words she told me she loved me as well. At the end when we all crowded around her to watch her final breaths on Sunday, I couldn't help feeling like I was witnessing something so grand, I was witnessing a woman who lived the gospel to the fullest, she loved everyone she met, and was interested in everything they were, I was witnessing her leave this earth to live with our Heavenly Father again. I will never doubt eternal life, I will never think there isn't anything for us after seeing her leave. It was incredible.

Moving on

Pappa Carr is doing awesome, the funeral was gorgeous and hundreds showed up on Friday. On Friday night I was so tired I couldn't barely move, I hung out with sweet Chloe (age 3) we painted and fed Trixie ALL of her treats. Then I slept. I slept all weekend, all day Saturday and all day Sunday. It was hard waking up today for work but I did it. Last night during my couple hours of being awake I had went downstairs for dinner with the Smith's ( a couple from New Zealand) Dad, Summy, and her squeeze David. We were eating some of the numerous leftovers we have and I noticed Momma Carr's death certificate on the fridge next to the grand kid's art work, I had to chuckle, that's so Pappa Carr. Pappa Carr is so happy, even though he misses Momma Carr I think he's keeping busy with yard work and visiting with the kiwi's, I was worried he wouldn't whistle anymore, but that hasn't been a problem.

Me too!

I'm moving on, it's hard work though. I am purposefully laughing harder and acting crazy, like today when I almost wrote "genitals" instead of "generals", and it's better when I'm around people and at school. Even though I have sworn off McDonald's food, in the name of research I got a McRib and I am regretting it. But I will have a good couple of paragraphs about the American value of conforming when it comes to the American Lunch! I will try to make this paper funny, and I might post it for you all to read. My room is destroyed and Trixie is much much fatter, so am I (I think) all that comfort food is taking a toll! But no worries I signed up for racquetball next semester and thinking of taking a Yoga class, I feel that if I can incorporate my workouts into school I'll have a better chance at staying fit. I can't wait for this semester to be over! I have most of my art classes all arranged and ready to go, I think things will be looking up soon, who knows maybe I will too.