good bye's

Momma Carr has days to hours left, the whole family is here and there is a feel in the air. I haven't blogged about it in a while because I am having a hard time dealing with all the changes and watching her die slowly. She adds such a spirit to the house and not to mention keeps things in order. I had to say my good byes this morning privately because I can't cry in front of other people. I confessed some things to her and cried hard, mostly sweet memories I had of her. I remember in a blog some time ago announcing my biggest fears one of them being having someone close to me passing away, shortly after Momma Carr was diagnosed and the process started.
She had helped me and listened to me when I had a bad day, my favorite was coming home and telling her all about my day or a date I had been on. She loved my friends and always was so supportive of me. I was forced to deal by friend and an intervention a few days ago, since then I have been able to function more healthily than before. There are always people stopping by now and then to say their good byes as well, and cards and roses and FOOD! So much food, I'm not complaining it's all delicious. I am thankful for the humor, and I am surprised by the laughter. I am grateful for the few people who have been bearing the brunt of my emotional neediness (Andrew mostly) Thank you for letting me come over and cry on your shoulders and play wii for hours and eat chocolate pudding to my hearts content (Rob and J'ness).

I will miss her, so much. She told me she loved me today

Glory Bound

When I hear that trumpet sound
I will lay my burdens down
I will lay them deep into the ground
Then I'll know that I am glory bound

I'll be travelling far from home
But I won't be looking for to roam
I'll be crossing o'er the great divide
In a better home soon I will reside

Hallelujah

When I'm in my resting place
I'll look on my mother's face
Never more will I have to know
All the loneliness that plagues me so

So I'm waiting for that train to come
And I know where she's coming from
Listen can you hear her on the track
When I board I won't be looking back