Been thinking....

As per usual, mostly about my own health and things I can change to make my quality of life just a bit better. It is currently amazing but being both human and a woman it is in my nature to change things and see what else is out there. I was discussing with my Amy yesterday mental health and all the disorders out there, since we both work with adults with disabilities and have a deep understanding of mental health. I had mentioned how my Aunt Kathy had sent me a book on Co-dependence and how I had fit all these "symptoms" and therefore thought I was Co-dependent. I would like to change my opinion of myself and say that I am no such thing. I have ticks and quirks just like everyone else but if something is mentally unhealthy for me I usually stop that behavior. I am not interested in attaching myself to another broken human being in order to "save" them,  I usually don't feel responsible for others feelings and I certainly do not anticipate being needed. I do however help where it is needed, love those who have problems and accept people for who they are. The worst thing for me is when I love people too much, then I can get hurt, but it's not their fault it's mine for not finding the right balance, kind of like a recipe where salt is optional. I know that this "love" can be kind of intense and puts people off once in a while but it's just who I am, a quirk maybe. I want to see this mold of the perfect person that these doctors and professionals base their science projects on, who is this person with not an ounce of anxiety or unbalanced emotions. I bet they are the most boring person on the earth, I bet they aren't creative and eat boiled turnips everyday...without salt.  I am not saying that sometimes my "quirks" aren't painful or annoying and hard for people to understand but I am not going to take a chemically tinkered pill to get rid of it. SO I get anxious in a cluttery space or I over think things, I pace in my room trying to figure out what to do next or I get my hopes up and then have them crash down and cry for hours. It just so happens I'm a person, a real live girl with emotions and feelings I can't process all at once and some days it takes a while. Though I wish I could just turn off my emotion like a faucet cause sometimes...it just makes things worse.

My friend Brian said to me the other day "Finding your spouse and friends is just finding the weird that compliments your kind of weird. We are all weird! " Well said!

Embrace the quirks! It's what makes me love all of you.