all these emotions!

I was thinking that I never really write about what is really going on in life, it's always fluffy fun stuff.
Since I have kind of taken this blog and made it my own journal, I might as well write about the negative stuff and maybe I can have a few revelations because I am so not getting anything from the other side. One of those "do it on your own" phases, gotta love these times!


Mexico:

My trip to Mexico is approaching fast, I have almost paid the 1030.00 AMERICAN money to go on this service trip.  It is something I am looking forward to and excited to have the new experiences. However, the last two meetings I have attended have been so poorly planned it has made me anxious, we barely just got our flight details!  Not to mention the director miscalculated the numbers and instead of 950.00 we all had to add 80.00 to that bill. He had sent out an email saying we would have a big deduction off the price only to find out in order to get that deduction we had to sell cookie dough, in April?!  I chose to pay the extra 80.00 we have one more meeting on the 28 of this month. I hope it is more informative! I trust the Lord, but it's a little concerning.

Tequisquiapan

My car...
is giving me crap, I think it is the fuel injector. Financially right now I really can't afford another fix curse you car!

Comedy:

Unfortunately with stand up comedy you get an intense high during a performance and like any drug you have to come down. I have been perpetually depressed and sometimes it's really hard to pull myself out of it. I do smile but it has been hard this week, and the last two as well. This is why I haven't tried to be professional or join any clubs, I can't deal with the depression or even the rejection. There is nothing worse than not being funny when people have paid to see you. It doesn't help either that little things are piling up and you feel like crap about yourself.

Intellectuals:
I am a person who loves everyone, I say it to strangers and sometimes I get good vibes others not so good. I feel sometimes I cannot be myself with certain types of people because they just don't accept my kind of personality. Namely intellectuals, I have a hard time with this type because they don't respond to me with emotion. I do hang with these types but most of the time it becomes difficult for me to join in conversations because I get confused and then I become a joke because I can't follow along. I know it's all in good humor,  and I most definitely love these people as well. But it seems easier for them to not care as much as I do and it's not fair, why do I always have to be the softy?! Sometimes I get all confusey about my conversation skills, and doubt my own intelligence. I can laugh at myself but when it comes down to it, I am pretty sensitive about my intellect. Good for them though, I know what it's like to yell out the right answers and be the smartest in the room it's a great feeling. Maybe someday I'll get the chance to show off with these people! Some do respond to me in emotional ways and I am not saying I don't like these people by any means! A few of my dearest friends are intellectuals and I cherish them more than they know. However I struggle to understand how I can benefit them in their lives, and to not feel stupid all the time. I hate feeling stupid.

Dating:

There have been a few dates, none of them spectacular but there are some promising guys in my world, one of which is about to go on a mission! Well I guess it's not too promising! I think this is funny, we tease each other every day about making out and I am able to keep up this facade because I don't really want to do that sort of thing, even though it's adventurous and something I would have done years ago. However I can see it in his face....he's terrified of me! I feel like such a cougar and at one point I was teasing him "what's a decade Johnny!" He rides a motorcycle, but leaves in a month just another cosmic joke in my dating life.

Does Facebook flirting count?

I am trying people! Contrary to popular belief I do try to date, I promise someday I will bag a husband. However I am quite content being single for the time being, hopefully God will send someone soon I need to get my Mother off my back.

Testimony:

I am struggling like everyone but I really want to get back to where I was but with all of these trials half of which I'm not even mentioning, life just seems so daunting. I told a friend earlier that I was peering over other testimony fences seeing what people have got. Satan is working overtime with me and it is really starting to wear on me. Scriptures and praying sometimes just aren't enough, I need some added protection so if any of you have any ideas let me know!