So Discouraged.

Mondays and Wednesdays are hardest for me because I'm with the same people all day, and these people are very critical and perfectionists when it comes to photography. For the last few weeks I've come home and pretty much gone straight to bed and laid there with Andrew while I cried and complained about how mistreated I am. Of course he's AMAZING and supports me 100% and does everything he can to make it better which I whole heartedly appreciate. I just feel so lost right now, it's one of those moments in life, the ones that last for weeks or months on end, that I like to think will change me for the better.

Right now I'm trying to see the big picture instead of only from my perspective. In their defense (classmates) they are already professional photographers with studios and thousands of dollars worth of camera equipment and I'm just starting out. I feel pretty dumb most days because I'm ripped apart every week, and told what needs to change when it comes to my photography. It's not told to me nicely or sweetly either, it's quite snarky. But I know in the long run that my hide will be thickened and I will (hopefully) be able to stand on my own and confident with my work, and able to back it up.

So it's not engagements or weddings that are hard for me, those are easy and quick money, and really fun.

It's fine art, pleasing people, creative imagery, correct processes not the trendy ones on pinterest, focus, and people skills. I'm really struggling trying to understand what I can change about myself, in order to change my perspective and see the whole picture, ergo perfecting my art and becoming successful in a very tough market.

Andrew and I watched a documentary on netflix called Jiro Dreams of Sushi
and I actually learned a lot about not only sushi but my own craft as well. Jiro says something along the lines of "I want to work my way to the top, but I don't know where the top is" or that he is constantly trying to improve on his sushi making.

Japan has declared Jiro a national treasure, he's won numerous prestigious sushi/restaurant awards, his restaurant seats sell for 800.00 a plate, reservations months in advance, and Jiro is in his 90's. Jiro says that he would be a fool to think he knows it all. I agree, and I am a fool for thinking I know what I'm doing.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING.

SO bear with me, because I may vent again someday soon, as for now I'm in it. I'm in my zone, I'm thinking, I'm growing and it hurts, it's hard, and I drag myself to school everyday and try to stay my bubbly self.